Time
by phanapocalypse
Summary: Imagine knowing how much time every person around you has left until they die. I do. Phan Dan Howell/Phil Lester danisnotonfire/AmazingPhil
1. Chapter One

**AN: Reworked this chapter because I wasn't happy with it. Hope you like it :)**

Time; it rules us. It controls every minute decision we make. It is always moving, never slowing. That same constant pace. You can never escape it. We all have a predetermined amount of time set for us at birth. For some, it's not even a day. Others, they live what is considered a whole life until old age takes them. Imagine knowing how much time every person around you has left. I've been able to see the numbers for as long as I can remember. The numbers floating around every single person I've ever laid eyes upon. Constantly counting down towards their inevitable death.

It's hell knowing when everyone will die. Knowing that I can't do anything to change it. I guess I was lucky though, in a way, I knew how long I had left, how long my family had left. I knew when my grandmother was going to pass away. I was thankful for the fact that my parents still had the rest of their lives to live, that they weren't going to die while they were still young.

I used to sit in the park every day after school on my way home, give myself time be alone and think in the silence. I soon started noticing a little girl would come to the park every Wednesday with her mother. She didn't have long left. 2 months. As the time drew nearer, she stopped coming to the park, perhaps she was too ill. A week before her time was set to stop, I saw her at the park once more with her mother. She was in a wheelchair, she looked so small and fragile, but she still smiled just as brightly as she did the first time I saw her. I smiled as I stood and waved at them as I was leaving, the little girl grinned at me, waving back.

I took a chance the next Wednesday and went back to the park again. Maybe the numbers were wrong, maybe the little girl was still alive. As I sat where I always did I saw her mother walk to the swings alone, shoulders slouched, head hung, arms crossed tightly across her chest. She sat on the swing and cried and I just watched. For half an hour I sat and watched this woman grieve her child before I stood and walked in the direction of my home. I glanced behind me once and locked eyes with her, she looked so broken. I nodded, giving her a sad smile, before turning on my heel and leaving. I never saw her again. I stopped going to the park, always taking the long way home just to avoid seeing it.

The look in that mother's eyes haunted my dreams for many weeks after. I started distancing myself from my friends, my family, everyone. I thought that if I had no one to care about, no one to love, no one who loved me, then I'd never have to experience what that mother from the park had. I tried to disconnect myself from the numbers. It made me seem apathetic and callous, which made people keep their distance. The emotions radiating off me made people feel uncomfortable. Who would want to be friends with an 'uncaring' and 'heartless' person like me? I could hear what they all said about me at school, when they thought that I couldn't hear them. I was so lonely, but I didn't mind, I'd never have to feel the pain of losing someone I loved if I had no one.

I didn't feel any kind of change coming on, normally I could tell when something was about to happen. Like I had become attuned to the sense of change in the air, but somehow, I'd missed this one.

It started off like every other day. Get out of bed, get ready for school, my parents sending me worried looks, but never saying anything as I left through the front door, my head hung low to avoid seeing the numbers hovering around them. The same boring routine every day. Get to school just in time and take my seat, nobody sparing a glance at the strange, lonely boy. I felt like I was in a bubble while I was at school, a bubble of invisibility. Even the teachers were put off by my presence and tried to not take any notice of me.

That's when it happened. The change I'd somehow missed. Here was the turning point in the road that was my life and I was approaching it fast with no chance of stopping. Do I crash and burn, or do I finally grab the wheel and take a chance?

He was quite a pale boy, his shiny, onyx hair held great contrast against his alabaster skin. His wide, cerulean eyes flickered around the room, shining with a sense of innocence that seemed out of place on a boy of his age, but also something else, something I couldn't place. He was tall too, almost as tall as I was, maybe an inch shorter. It wasn't the fact that he was positively the most gorgeous person I've ever seen that shocked me when we locked eyes, no, it was the fact that his numbers where exactly the same as mine, down to the very last second. I'd never seen two people with the same time, ever, and I'd seen so many numbers. I'd know, I'd remember if two were the same. Sure, I'd seen some a few minutes apart, even a few seconds apart, in rare cases where there was some kind of accident, but never exactly the same.

I blinked and shook my head when I realised that I was still staring at him, he smirked at me and raised an eyebrow, which caused me to blush fiercely as I quickly looked down at my hands, concentrating on picking at my bitten away fingernails. I heard the teacher introducing the odd new boy to the class but I wasn't paying enough attention, too focused on my own embarrassment, until I heard the seat beside me being pulled out. I nearly slapped myself, of course he'd have to sit next to me, it was the only available seat in the class. I chanced a quick peak at him, he was grinning at me, his black fringe falling slightly across his right eye. I looked ahead siting up straighter in my seat, blushing once again.

I heard him shuffling in his seat and looked over at him one more, before I could stop myself. He was setting up his things, giving me some time to actually look at his face. His eyes where so wonderful, much more so up close, from a distance they had just seemed blue, but now I could see the kaleidoscope of colours in his eyes. He didn't blink very often, and considering his eyes were so wide open, it made his face seem younger. His high cheekbones framed under his eyes nicely, and it was an odd thing to say, but he had really nice eyebrows. His hair looked so feathery soft, I was resisting the urge to reach over and brush it from his eye. I was trying to take in every little detail of his face and then there I was, staring again. His giggle brought me back to my senses.  
"Oh, uh, sorry..." I mumbled, looking away from him, my face heating up. He laughed quietly.  
"It's okay, really." He whispered back, leaning in slightly towards me. He had quite a deep voice and a Northern accent which made my heart jump in my chest.  
"I'm Phil by the way, in case you didn't hear." He said, introducing himself.  
"Dan." I muttered in response, turning to look at him.  
He was smiling at me, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkling while they sparkled in the light, he was beautiful, and I was doomed.


	2. Chapter Two

**AN: There you go, so much better now imo**

Sitting next to him is agony. The longer I was near him the more I wanted to discover everything about him, the more I wanted to become his friend. But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to him. Yes, I understood that we were going to die at the same time, the numbers never lied, never changed. I would never forget that, I would never get my hopes up, not again. That's why the temptation was so strong, I'd never have to feel the pain of losing him, nor him me. We would leave together, never having to miss the other. But that wasn't what was stopping me from getting close to him.

I could see the innocence in his eyes, he was bright and happy and full of life, and I was none of those. Every day I spent alone. Every day spent wondering why I had this curse placed upon me. Why couldn't I be like Phil? Happy, free, ignorant. Oh, I'd give anything to be ignorant. To not know. To not have to struggle through every single day trying to keep my sanity. To be able to make friends and enjoy time with my family. To not have to worry about the fact that my biology teacher is going to die in 3 weeks. To not know that the girl who sits at the front of my maths class is going to die this year.

I would bring him down. He wouldn't be able to cope with who I am. We were so different and I am so bad for him. No, it's better if he becomes friends with the normal people at our school. They'd avoid him like the plague if he was seen with me too much, they'd probably all think that he was like me and I can't let that happen to him.

"Dan?" Phil questions, nudging my side, sending shockwaves of electricity running through me. I look at up him as he stands next to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I mumbled, realising the class is basically empty now.

"The bell just rang. Are-are you okay?" He asks quietly, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. I shake my head.

"Hmm, no, I'm fine. Just distracted." I reply, packing my things up. He stands behind me silently and I try not to think about him watching me as I clumsily throw my things in my bag. Throwing my bag over my shoulder I go to walk off but I freeze when he grabs my arm. He notices me tense up and quickly drops him arm, stepping away from me.

"Oh, um, s-sorry. I was just wondering if you could maybe show me where my next class is. I'm not too sure where anything is and I can't understand the map they gave me." He was rambling and blushing and stuttering over his words and it was the cutest thing that I'd ever seen. He looks at me with hopeful eyes and any urge to say no, to just keep up my image and leave, flies out the window.

"Uh yeah, sure. What's your next class?" I ask, moving to stand beside him as he pulls his time table out of his bag. I bite my cheek to avoid groaning, this can't be happening.

"Um, that's-that's great. We have all the same classes except for art." I mutter, trying not to frown at the piece of paper in his hands.

"Really? That's good, I won't get lost then." He smiles at me brightly and I can't help but smile back.

"Come on then, we're going to be late." I tell him, walking quickly out the classroom, Phil trailing behind me.

He keeps up with me, his long legs striding beside mine with ease. I'm used to people having to jog to keep up with me, not that I normally walk with anyone.

"Would you mind if I sat with you at lunch? You-you don't have to say yes, it's just, I don't know anyone yet and you seem really nice and…" He trails off, looking away from me blushing as we turn a corner, drawing nearer to our next class. I almost trip over my own feet in shock. What can I say to that? I can't be rude to him, he just said I was nice!

"Yeah, you can sit with me." I reply quietly, trying not to slap myself for being so stupid. What am I doing? I'm ruining any chance he has at making friends! I should never have spoken to him. I don't speak to anyone.

"Your friends won't mind?" He questions, glancing at me as we start to slow, almost at our destination. I laugh quietly.

"I don't have any friends." I reply as I stop in front of our class.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry. I didn't know. Why don't you though, if you don't mind me asking…" He inquires, rambling, as I knock on the door.

"It's alright Phil." I whisper to him as the door swings open.

"Ah, Daniel, you're late. I wouldn't expect that of you." She says disapprovingly before turning to Phil.

"You must be the new boy, Philip is it? Were you showing him the way Daniel?" She asks, I nod as she steps aside, letting me walk into the classroom. I hear Phil say something but I'm not listening anymore, already noticing the eyes on me, on us. They were all probably wondering the same thing, why was I talking to the new boy, I don't talk to anyone.

I shuffle to my seat at the back of the class and slide into my seat, trying to make as little noise as possible. Phil follows behind and sits next to me. I try not to take notice of how close he's sitting, but it's harder to do that than one would think. Every nerve ending on my body was standing on end, shocks of pleasure running across my skin every time Phil's arm brushed up against mine as he moved around in his seat.

I tried to play attention to whatever Ms Rileys is saying about symbolism in ancient literature, but Phil's arm was surprisingly warm. Either he hadn't noticed that we were touching, or he didn't seem to mind, and it scared me how I hoped the second option was true. It was easy to blame my arm brushing against his on my being left handed and he right, so I didn't say anything as I tried to copy down what the teacher was writing on the board.

I heard him let out a slight sigh next to me and I glanced at him, and yet again, I couldn't look away. Why did I find him so captivating? The way his hand moves across thing paper as he writes. The way his tongue darts out of his mouth to run along his bottom lip, making the light shine off them. The way his fringe falls across his face, obscuring his vision, making him flick it to the side occasionally. Why did I want to reach out and tuck it behind his ear so badly? My head snaps back to the front of the classroom when I hear someone cough.

I absentmindedly take down notes as I focus on the sounds of his breathing, it's surprisingly calming. What is wrong with me?

It feel like my body is on fire when he leans into me.

"Do you understand any of this?" He whispers, turning to look at me. His face is so close to mine. I shake my head, mostly to clear away the thoughts of reaching out to stroke his cheek, but he takes it as my answer. He smiles at me again, eyes sparklingly so gorgeously, even under the harsh LED lights of the classroom.

"It doesn't really matter. If you copy down her notes and study those you'll basically know everything on the test." I inform him, forcing myself to look away from his eyes. You could go swimming in those eyes, there were like an ocean. An ocean that I wanted to explore.

"Really? Thanks." He replies, tongue sticking out the side of his mouth when he smiles wider. I nearly fall out of my seat, that's so adorable. What is going on? Who even is this boy?

I shrug in response, dragging my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to crush the sudden overwhelming urge to kiss him. He looks back to the front of the room, actually paying attention to what the teacher way saying.

I grumpily scribble in my notebook as I fight the urge to throw up all over my desk at my stupid cheesy thoughts. What was wrong with me? I'd had crushes before, but not like this, and I don't even know this boy. I'd literally known him for an hour and I already wanted to kiss the boy.

This wasn't right. I need to sort myself out. Oh, but he's so nice, so handsome, so everything. Maybe just a little taste. Yes, just a little taste of him and then I'd leave, I'd back out, and he can live his life surrounded by normal people like he should, like he deserves. I just hope I have enough resolve to leave when the time comes.


	3. Chapter Three

**AN: Wow, an actual new chapter with new things happen and more dialogue than ever. Woo!**

The bell rung, the shrill tone bringing me out of my daydream. I heard Phil chuckle as I jumped, knocking my pen off the desk. I leant in my chair to pick it up, just as he did, making our heads knock together.

"Oh no! I'm sorry! I was just…" he trailed off blushing, looking down at his hands. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"No, it's okay, really. Is your head okay?" I ask, smirking slightly as he looks up at me. He grins, getting up out of his seat.

"It's fine, here's your pen." He replied, holding the pen in front of my face. Our hands brush as I take it from him and I feel the heat starting to creep into my cheeks again. Am I just constantly going to be blushing around him? Thankfully he was too busy packing away his things to notice my reddening face.

"So, lunch then?" He questions, turning to face me, swinging his bag onto his back. Why did he seem so comfortable around me? Everyone else still seemed uncomfortable around me, still giving me odd glances and stepping away slightly when I neared them, like I didn't notice.

"I, uh, yeah. Lunch." I mumbled, pulling my bag onto my back too, already feeling the embarrassment.

"What's the matter? Do you not want me to sit with you? It's okay if you don't." He said quietly, walking beside me. Although he had said it was okay, I could hear the disappointment in his voice, which made me feel terrible. What is going on with my emotions, they're normally so in check.

"No, no, that's not it. I, uh, I want you to sit wi-with me." I manage to get out, stumbling over my words. I looked down at my feet, hands sliding into my pockets when the whispers started as we walked down the hall.

"Are you sure you're okay Dan?" Phil asks, the worry evident in his voice. I nodded at him, quickening my pace slightly, he kept up with me easily, a small frown on his face. I turned the next corner sharply and slowed, there weren't as many people here. Letting out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding, I stopped and faced Phil, swinging my arms nervously by my side. He raised an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms.

"I uh, I don't think you should sit with me…" I mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of my school shirt. He frowned, standing up straighter.

"Why not?" He sounded unfazed but I could hear the hurt hidden in his words. I shook my head and laced my fingers together.

"People don't like me Phil, and if you keep talking to me, they won't like you either." I explain to him quietly, facing away from him. I hear him chuckle under his breath.

"Dan, if they're not going to like me because I'm friends with you, then I honestly don't care." Phil states as he walks up to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. His words shocked me, even when I had friends, I knew they would have ditched me if I were to hurt their image.

I know I push people away, I did it on purpose. I should be pushing Phil away, but he was so different. Even other new kids would stay away from me, without even knowing why, it was just because everyone else did. Yet Phil hadn't even known me a day and he didn't care about being disliked if he was my friend. I looked up, glancing at his numbers which I always take so much care to avoid. My heart jolted when I saw our matching numbers floating next to each other.

"We're friends?" I ask, diverting my gaze again. He seemed more confident than before, maybe it was because I hadn't thrown his hand off my shoulder. I didn't want to admit it, but I liked it, it was the most comfort and physical touch that I'd received in over a year.

"If you want us to be." He said quietly, a gentle grin on his face as he tried to get me to look at him. I let out a small sigh. He'd left it up to me. I want to say yes so badly. He said he didn't care if no one liked him because he's friends with me. His time isn't a problem. I can't help the grin that spreads across my face as I look at him.

"I, yeah, we're friends." I tell him, smiling brightly as he grins at me. Suddenly I'm being pulled into a hug and it's incredible. He's so warm and he smells amazing, but it's over all too soon when he jumps back quickly, stepping away from me.

"Sorry! I'm just excited, I didn't mean to…" He still has a small smile on his face, but he's looking away from me, his cheeks flaring up, from embarrassment or something else, I don't know, I don't even consider.

"It's really okay, I um, I liked it. It's fine. Come on, I uh, I eat around the back of the library. There's not usually anyone there, so…" I explained awkwardly, turning my body slightly in the direction we had to go. He looked up, his grin widening when he realised that I wasn't going to stop being his friend.

We walked quietly to my spot, standing closer to each other than before. Small conversations flittered between us easily. We had so many things in common, I was pleasantly surprised to say the least.

"Why did you move here? You sound Northern." I ask, leaning comfortably again the wall behind me, my lunch sitting on my lap. Phil was sitting beside me with his legs crossed, his body turned to face me.

"I'm from Manchester actually. My dad got a promotion, so we moved here because of that. I'm kind of glad we did, I didn't really get on well with anyone at my old school. Mum had been insisting on us staying until I told her I'd prefer it if we moved." Phil told me, fiddling awkwardly with his fingers.

"Is it bad if I say I'm happy you didn't get on well with them then?" I question slyly, a small grin playing on my face. He shakes his head and laughs quietly, watching me intently.

"What?" I ask, as a strange look comes across his face and he grins wider at me.

"You have dimples!" He says excitedly, pointing at my cheek. I grin, making the dimples deeper.

"I wish I had dimples." He sighed, still smiling at me.

"Someone told me once that it's actually a deformity, like the muscle in your cheek has collapsed or something." I shrug, poking the dimple on my right cheek. He sticks his tongue out at me.

"That doesn't change anything, I still think it's adorable." He says flippantly, waving his hand like he was brushing my comment away. His eyes widen when he realises what he said.

"I'm not saying that you're adorable, just that you're dimples are. Not that you're not adorable, because you are, I just, um…" He says hurriedly, coughing awkwardly at the end.

"It's okay Phil, I know what you mean." I laugh, grinning at him as he buries his face in his hands.

"I'm so awkward, sorry." I hear him mumble from behind his hands. I lean forward and pull his hands away from his face.

"Yeah, so am I. You say sorry too much, did you know?" I tell him, letting his arms drop into his lap.

"I know, sor-" He cuts himself off by putting his hand over his mouth. I laugh again, shaking my head, Phil giggles from behind his hand. I try to hide the fact that I'm staring at him for the rest of lunch, but he did catch me a few times, our cheeks flushing as we would quickly look away from each other each time.

"You have art now, we don't have that class together, but I'll show you the way." I tell him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up when the bell rings.

"Oh, okay. What class you do have?" He asks, slightly disappointed, but still with a smile on his face.

"I've got law." I say, leading him towards his class, not really noticing the people staring and making room for us to pass this time.

"Boring!" He says jokingly, turning to smile at me. I shake my head and let out a small laugh.

"It's actually really interesting and pretty easy." I explain, stopping in front of his class, Phil coming to stand next to me.

"We have our next class together, so I'll try and get here as fast as I can, but if not, just ask the teacher or something where the class is, yeah?" I tell him with a smile.

"Yeah, okay, thanks Dan." He says as I go to leave.

"What are friends for?" I ask with a smile, turning away from him, catching his bright smile in the corner of my eye.


End file.
